How to piss off every single New Yorker

1. Upstreaming for a cab
2. Not walking on the escalator 
3. Taking up two seats on the subway
4. Petitioning people on the streets
5. Feeding pigeons
6. Arguing that New York is over rated 
7. Not knowing how to slide your Metro card 
8. Doing anything in Time Square
9. Stealing peoples Newspaper
10. Announcing yourself on the subway car
11. Not holding the elevator door
12. Standing in the bike lane 

And that ladies and gentlemen is how to piss of New Yorkers

Mind Blowing Random Facts

Prepare to have you mind blown in three…two…one….

Many of you have probably heard of the game Super Mario Galaxy, and perhaps some of you have discovered this, but if you read each letter and ONLY each letter with a star under it on the cover of the game, it spells out “U R MR GAY.”  Mario….

But don’t worry we might get the last laugh. Right now there is an online flash game called “Duck Hunt” more specifically the game is called “Kill the Dog from Duck Hunt.” After all these years you finally have the power!

But Nintendo may have one-upped us.  Remember this? After completing the castle it turns out that Toad has been flipping us off the entire time.

The Chicago Bulls logo, flipped upside down is a robot reading a book.

If you look closely,

the Doom guy, only ever has one gun.

More importantly the Silence of the Lambs poster, the one I know we’ve all seen, have any of you ever noticed all the naked women? I’m serious; here let’s take a closer look. Do you all see the skull? It’s a painting by Salvador Dali.

One final fact, Nerf is not just a silly word; it is an acronym for Non Expanding Recreational Foam.

YouTube Channel!!

Hey guys, finally got my YouTube channel up and running so be sure to check it out!
First video: Intro!

Nathan's Story

Now gather around everybody, I have a grand story to tell you. This story has Kings, Queens, Knights, Princes, Princesses, Peasants and Dragons. You know you're average Middle Ages story. So listen carefully.

Once upon a time, there was a peasant named Nathan. Nathan was just your average peasant but he had an extraordinary gift: tolerance. Now even though Nathan was a peasant he was close to the King and Queen, of the fair land of Trumansburg. Nathan had only two enemies, the Queen and the Dragon, but you see it wasn't always like that. Once upon a time, Nathan was a Knight and the King and Queen were happy and there was no Dragon to strike fear into Nathans heart. But that was long ago, in a time so distant it was almost like a dream.
But since then Nathan had been demoted to a lowly peasant, and while he still maintained a close relationship with the King, the Queen was constantly stepping on Nathans toes, trying to debilitate him so bad that he would just give up. What's sad is that Nathan did try to give up, twice. Twice he tried and twice he was locked in the stockade. And the stockade tried to help Nathan to get back on his feet, but Nathan found it was hard, especially when the Queen kept knocking him down. But Nathan decided that no matter how great his desire to give up was, he still kept his head high. So to keep himself from cracking from the pressure, Nathan moved in with the King, and felt mildly better. But after a while Nathan felt the pressure again, especially from the Queen, but now he had a new front to fight, because the Queen sent the Dragon to fight him. The Dragon was hardly a worthy foe, but since the Queen was to chicken-shit to tell Nathan how she really felt about him, she sent the Dragon to do her dirty work.
But suddenly Nathan heard a rumor that made him jump for joy: his cousins were coming! Nathan was glad because he thought that his cousins could mitigate the Queen and the Dragons fury. And for the two weeks they were with Nathan, Prince Jón and Princess Kathleen, tempered the Queens anger, but alas the Dragon was still in full force.
Soon Prince Jón and Princess Kathleen left and Nathan felt so sad and alone. Prince Jón and Princess Kathleen had been his rock, and even though sometimes he couldn't understand them, they provided a source of comfort for him, because he knew deep down in his heart that they would never judge for being who he is.
Even though Nathan is but a lowly peasant, he knows that one day things will be better and the Queen and the Dragon will not make him cower in fear, and be afraid to even go home. But Nathan struggles still because he can't remember a time when he was truly happy, and all the potions the witch-doctors could give him will not cure him, because his body can heal from the wounds, but his soul won't heal with those potions. They mean nothing, for his emotional self. But still Nathan keeps going.

Dysphoria At The Gym

Hey guys I just wanted to make a really quick post because I just had to leave my gym because I had a really bad…I don’t know I just felt really insecure. I’ve been going there forever and I’ve always felt okay there because I always thought that if people are going to go to the gym and judge you, that’s pretty ridiculous, because everyone is there to make themselves healthier and better in some way, shape, or form, and if you are going to judge someone for doing the same things you are, then you don’t need to be in that person’s life anyway because you’re a hypocrite. So I’ve never really had any problems…except for today. I went for 30 minutes when I usually always go for an hour, and I don’t know. I just got so mad almost, because I saw this group of teenagers come in and they were so…so differently shaped, and bigger, and more muscular. Guys like them, don’t try, they go to the gym for ten minutes and bulk up. It’s bullshit. I mean I work so hard every day to be the person I am inside and I just can’t.  I had to leave because I couldn’t focus on my workout. As weird as it sounds I just kept staring at them, and then I would look in the mirror at myself, and it just wasn’t right. I guess I just got really fed up, and it sucks that this is the body I’m stuck in and yes I know I shouldn’t blame myself but it’s hard. It’s really hard. Anyway before I work myself into a knot again, I’m not going to write anymore on this topic today. Peace Out.

Caesar

Hello there! I am Julius Caesar; I grace your presence now with a terrible tale to tell you. Many, many years ago, many cold, stressful, painful, agonizing years ago I was entombed in a block of ice. I was lost to the ages, a transient of time. Now that I have “thawed out,” I promise you the expression “chill out man” is not lost on me, now that I am in this present age, I find that a tragedy has befallen us all, me especially. That is, to say that I am not recognized as the rightful heir to the Roman throne. Can time undo the greatness that is Caesar? I think not! This cannot stand, this cannot be, therefore I entreat you, fair citizens of the inter-web, join with me! Form my army! March alongside me as we rise up in numbers greater than the sons to reclaim what is rightfully mine. And I will share some of it with you, so yes, if you pledge with me, if you catch this vision for a greater world, ruled by me, then do two things. No three things! As I am feeling quite generous today. First, tell all your friends that Caesar, the one true emperor of Rome has been found. Secondly, join my cause, enlist in the army of Caesar, champion all that I do and say, follow my actions, heed my wisdom and advice, and ask me questions from time to time. Thirdly donate your time, your life, and all your voluptuous women, to me! For the purpose of furthering my empire. Though I should probably clarify that by voluptuous, I do not mean fat, I mean healthy and curvaceous.

You know the story, you have the charge, I beseech thee to watch my blog for updates, if you do well I will come back and tell you of our progress and I will keep you informed in this way, it is the least I can do for your patronage. So now I say goodbye, and hello to a brighter future. Render unto Caesar what is Caesars. Peace! And War!

Anarchism Persuasive Essay

America, we love you, how many of you are proud to be citizens of this beautiful Country of ours? The stripes and the stars for the rights that men have died for to protect, the women and men who have broken their neck's for the freedom of speech the United States Government has sworn to uphold, or so we're told…[1]

                Anarchism. What is it good for?  A radical philosophy and an approach to social organization that arose coinciding with other grand “–isms,” anarchism, perhaps more than any other idea and practice, has been condensed down by its critics and Nay-Sayers into a vague set of contradictory caricatures. Is anarchism characterized by bohemian communities of rebels, their uprising culturally innovative but politically ineffective, book-ended by Johnny Rotten?  Or is anarchism defined by individualist libertarians who walk in the ideological footsteps of David Friedman? Or is anarchism defined by the collectivist anti-capitalists who walk the paths blazed by Mikhail Bakunin and Peter Kropotkin? Or, more infamously, is anarchism a murky underworld of conspiratorial bomb throwers, held together not by bonds of solidarity but by a commitment to violence?

            Well you see anarchism advocates stateless societies based on non-hierarchical free associations. Anarchists (also known as libertarians or libertarian socialists, in the original sense of socialism) oppose illegitimate authority and hierarchy, and therefore oppose capitalism and the state. However a common misconception is that all anarchists oppose all organization. This is false, anarchists do not oppose all organization: in reality anarchists favor voluntary, non-hierarchical, self-organization. Anarchists do not oppose all rules and laws; anarchists oppose rules and laws imposed involuntarily by illegitimate authorities, such as the state, and favor voluntarily-agreed upon rules and laws. I believe that anarchism is far better than any other form of government due to its definitions and applications.

There are a lot of laws I don’t agree with, for example New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage due to irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it. Or the law that states the use of handcuffs or leg-irons is prohibited to all but law enforcement. So I guess I’ll think twice if I get hustled and then decide to make a citizen’s arrest because then I’ll get in trouble for making a citizen’s arrest with handcuffs or leg irons due to the afore mentioned law. Now remind me who is it making these laws that are completely ridiculous? Oh right, the government. Without the government, you’d have complete freedom; the only repercussions would be your own.

As anarchist Allen Thornton observes, "Police aren't in the protection business; they're in the revenge business." Forget about Spider-Man interrupting crimes in progress. Police patrol does not prevent crime or catch criminals. Think about it, cops don’t actually prevent crime; they just get revenge on the people who commit crimes. If cops truly prevented all crime the entire idea of a law enforcement officer would be obsolete. When police patrol was discontinued secretly in Kansas City neighborhoods, the crime rate stayed the same as before. Other research likewise finds that detective work, crime labs, etc. have no effect on the crime rate. But when neighbors get together to watch over each other and warn off would-be criminals, criminals try another neighborhood that is protected only by the police because the criminals know that they face little danger there.

   Chances are some of you are thinking “well aren’t anarchist’s bomb throwers? The answer is no. At least not compared to, say the United States Government, which drops more bombs every day on Iraq than anarchists have thrown in the years they have been a political movement. The total number of nuclear missiles built by the United States, from 1951 to the present: 67,500. That is approximately 1009 bombs a year. Does it really make a difference if bombs are delivered horizontally by anarchists rather than vertically by the government? Anarchists have been in action for many years and in many countries, under many different types of governments. Sometimes, especially under conditions of severe repression, some anarchists have thrown bombs. But that has been the exception. The "bomb-throwing anarchist" stereotype was concocted by politicians and journalists in the late 19th century, and they still won't let go of it, but even back then it was a gross exaggeration.

America is the land of the free, right? Well no, not really. In the years since Sept. 11, 2001, this country has painstakingly diminished civil liberties in the name of increased security. The government continues to claim the right to strip citizens of legal protections based on its sole discretion. A recent example of this was the National Defense Authorization Act, signed Dec. 31 2012, which allows for the indefinite detention of citizens. However we also continue to scorn countries like Cambodia who have a “prolonged detention” laws. An authoritarian nation is defined not just by the use of authoritarian powers, but by the ability to use them. If a president can take away your freedom or your life on his or her own authority, all rights become little more than a discretionary grant subject to executive desire.

            Speaking of 9/11, it could have been potentially prevented if warning signs had been heeded. George W. Bush was president at the time having been in office for eight months when the attacks occurred. Good ol’ George Dubya (George W.) blatantly ignored warnings about the possibility of an Al-Qaeda attack, which began on May 1st. Which, gave Bush approximately one hundred and thirty three days and multiple warnings in between to do something, anything in an attempt to prevent 2,996 deaths that were the result of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

You see it is my belief (along with many others) that the government had ample warning that something bad was going to go down, but did anybody listen? No, not until it was too late.

The whole point of 9/11 from the terrorist’s perspective was to obliterate a financial center of New York and to inspire fear into the heart of an entire nation of 281,421,906 people (approximately 29 million people.) But if we were all separate communities of free grouping individuals, we wouldn’t have people trying to take out large masses, but rather a small group of people trying to take out another small group of people.

“Anarchism, then, really stands for the liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion; the liberation of the human body from the dominion of property; liberation from the shackles and restraint of government. Anarchism stands for a social order based on the free grouping of individuals for the purpose of producing real social wealth; an order that will guarantee to every human being free access to the earth and full enjoyment of the necessities of life, according to individual desires, tastes, and inclinations[3]”

---

[1] Paraphrased from Eminem’s “White America”

[3] Quoted from Emma Goldman

P.S.   I am saying this with the freest of speech this Divided States of Embarrassment will allow me to have. Also the views expressed in this essay do not necessarily represent the views of the author.