Gollum Version of "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift

Once upon time a few mistakes ago, we were in our cave, you got us alone
You found us, you found us, you found us
We thought that you were food, you didn’t like that
So we played a game, but when we turned our back
You tricked us, you tricked us, you tricked us
Now it’s long gone, we were stupid to trust
And we realize the blame is on us
Cause we knew you had the precious when you walked in so shame on us now
Our cries echo to the Misty Mountains
Since you came around cause, we knew you had the precious when you walked in
So shame on us, now our cries echo to the Misty Mountains
Now we’re lying on the cold hard cave
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious
Black Riders chased us down ,they never saw us cry
Okay maybe we cried, but we had to stay alive
For the precious, the precious, the precious
We heard you moved on from Birdses in the trees
They say you’re with the Hobbits, just due east
So we eats those birds, we eats those birds, we eats those birds
It was long gone, we were stupid to trust, and we realize the joke is on us
Cause we knew you had the precious when you walked in so shame on us now
Our cries echo to the Misty Mountains
Since you came around cause, we knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on us, now our cries echo to the Misty Mountains
Now we’re lying on the cold hard cave
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious
Then the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved us or him or anyone or anything
Yeah
Cause we knew you had the precious when you walked in so shame on us now
our cries echo to the Misty Mountains
Since you came around cause, we knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on us, now our cries echo to the Misty Mountains
Now we’re lying on the cold hard cave
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious
Oh, oh, precious, precious, precious
Cause we knew you had the precious when you walked in so shame on us now
precious, precious, precious

Robert Pattinson Is A Girl

Every where I turn, ever since those damned Twilight movies came out, I hear how "sexy" Robert P. is. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind when a lower celebrity gets turned into this big sex symbol, because the best thing is he will be gone in five or ten years and everybody knows it. Remember Orlando Bloom? The sexy effeminate elf who was "gaying up" the Lord Of The Rings? And all the teens and tweens of this fine country of ours were swooning over him. And then he played in Pirates of the Caribbean and he even tried to sport a little facial hair, much like Robert is doing now.
Its not fooling anybody "boys." And where is Orlando now? I don't know, you don't know, nobody knows and more importantly, nobody cares.
You see Robert is not even masculine enough to play a delicate tulip waving in the breeze. So he is certainly not able to play some hot-shot vampire, who picks up cars, and seduces women. I mean how can he lift a car? He doesn't look like he could lift a piece of paper with a picture of a car printed on it. Eventually when Pattinson consistently fails to draw an audience, Hollywood will see the writing on the wall and blacklist his ass. Soon enough, he will be lucky if he can get a bit in a direct to DVD spoof about Twilight. Maybe after his Hollywood stint is over he will wind up in some christian church where he talks to little kids about the evils of Hollywood and its Darwinian agenda.
Don't let me down Robert, by failing to fall flat on your face.