My Mom is Getting Married.....and she "forgot" to tell me....

 So I haven't been posting anything recently, for like six months, so this is relatively old news, but my mom got married and she neglected to tell me of her pending nuptials. I found out through her girlfriend's Facebook page which stated "August we will be married, it is official" Isn't that nice? Finding out through social media that your mother is getting married. So I decided to sit on it for a few days, although stew on it would probably be more appropriate. And then suddenly I got a Facebook message from my mom that said "I just wanted to chat with you about a few of the pics on FB. I understand that it is your choice not to interact or have any of us actively in your life at this point. So we all understand that and will respect your wishes. We all wish it could be differrent but understand completely. I think that you might still want to know that Penni and I will be married on August 9th of this year. I understand your need for space and we will let you continue with therapy so that maybe some where down the road we can again be a family that interacts with each other and actually enjoys the time we have. We wish you all the best for the end of the year wrap up you are trying to get done and hope you have a great summer."

 

So let me pick apart the problem I have with this message, and there is quite a bit.

1. "I understand that it is your choice not to interact or have any of us actively in your life at this point." It is not my choice. I can't tolerate the insensitive things that constantly roll of your tongue, without a seconds hesitation. Your girlfriend (and I'm fairly sure you are too) is a man hater. She complains about men like they are a scourge of the earth. When I came out, she refused to acknowledge me as Nathan, and referred to me as "a confused butch lesbian." There is a distinct difference between being butch lesbian and being transgender. Whenever I come around, I always have an immediate feeling that I am unwelcome. 
2.   "we all understand that and will respect your wishes" mmm... no you clearly don't. In fact you constantly ask why I don't come around, and when I respond with the truth you tell me that it is my fault I feel that way, that you aren't doing anything wrong.
3. "we will let you continue with therapy" Well how kind of you. I was unaware that you had any say in my life now that I no longer live with you. Oh that's right, you don't. But thank you for letting me continue with something I need because of you and your psycho babble bullshit.
4. "some where down the road we can again be a family that interacts with each other and actually enjoys the time we have"  Right, well can you refer to me as "Nathan/Nate"? Instead of calling me "Naomi Catherine" how about you call me "Nathan Connor"? And that will be a start. But I will not expect such change anytime soon.

 

Trans Versus Lesbian

Hey guys so this is just my take on how to tell the difference between being a lesbian and identifying as trans. People ask me a lot, how did I know, or they tell me their story about how they like girls and how they like to dress in "male" clothes, but they don't quite feel like a man. So they will ask if I think transition is right for them. And every time I get that question I sit there and think how the hell should I know if transition is right for you?

First of, I don't know that transition is right for anybody. I can't determine that, that isn't something I can determine now or ever. I suggest that you go to therapy to help get that outside perspective, and to have someone you can open up to without the fear of friends or family finding out anything.


But I think the main focus here is that you can be a girl and wear male clothes. You can wear boxers and want to look muscular and like girls and all that, without being trans. I mean I understand that when you play with that gender line, you may wonder what you are. You might think well maybe I'm a lesbian or maybe I am trans. I get that you kind of battle that in between, but I don't think that just because you're a female who likes females and dresses like a guy that you are absolutely transgender. I feel like a lot of people are crossing that line super quick I mean they see trans guys out there and they think immediately oh well I fit that criteria so I must be trans too. I don't know that it takes years to recognize that you're the opposite gender on the inside, but I do think it takes a fair amount of time to establish that it is the way you want to live.

So how do I know that you're trans? Well I don't. But if you can get up everyday knowing that you're a lesbian and that you dress like a guy, and you're okay with that, then maybe transitions not right for you. But if you're getting up and are upset about how your clothes fit or how you look, when you want to fit in with the opposite gender, and not because of your sexual orientation but because of how you actually feel inside.

Honestly you don't have to make a choice right away, just because testosterone and estrogen are available to you, you shouldn't just say "oh alright I'll get that" I do not suggest starting T until you wake up every single day and feel like a man. And you don't flip flop between genders. Especially because if you change your mind, you're are screwed if you have already started T.

Its really okay to ride the gender line, it truly is.