Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Robert Pattinson Is A Girl

Every where I turn, ever since those damned Twilight movies came out, I hear how "sexy" Robert P. is. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind when a lower celebrity gets turned into this big sex symbol, because the best thing is he will be gone in five or ten years and everybody knows it. Remember Orlando Bloom? The sexy effeminate elf who was "gaying up" the Lord Of The Rings? And all the teens and tweens of this fine country of ours were swooning over him. And then he played in Pirates of the Caribbean and he even tried to sport a little facial hair, much like Robert is doing now.
Its not fooling anybody "boys." And where is Orlando now? I don't know, you don't know, nobody knows and more importantly, nobody cares.
You see Robert is not even masculine enough to play a delicate tulip waving in the breeze. So he is certainly not able to play some hot-shot vampire, who picks up cars, and seduces women. I mean how can he lift a car? He doesn't look like he could lift a piece of paper with a picture of a car printed on it. Eventually when Pattinson consistently fails to draw an audience, Hollywood will see the writing on the wall and blacklist his ass. Soon enough, he will be lucky if he can get a bit in a direct to DVD spoof about Twilight. Maybe after his Hollywood stint is over he will wind up in some christian church where he talks to little kids about the evils of Hollywood and its Darwinian agenda.
Don't let me down Robert, by failing to fall flat on your face.

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